Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
