Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
