she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
