Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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