What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This is not my ceiling
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
