hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
