people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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