the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
