She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
