All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
