that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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