Just cropdusted the office
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
