just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
