Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
