you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
