wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
