walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
