I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
