he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
