i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
