Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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