I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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