I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
