If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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