had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
