if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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