wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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