did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
