New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
