what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
