You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
