He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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