and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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