Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
