is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
