I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
