Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
