She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
