***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
