If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
