Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
