Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
