Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
