I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
