Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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