Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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