At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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