talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
