Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
