is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
