JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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