life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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