but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
