She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
