Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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