dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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